So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
