Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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