Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize