dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
