Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
