she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
