you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
