She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
