Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
