fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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