Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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