grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize