I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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