just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
