I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
