I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
