I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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