how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize