There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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