My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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