so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
