the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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