I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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