does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
