remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I believe in your delicious
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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