The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
