here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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