TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
