My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
