I hate all girls vehemently.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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