I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
