I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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