well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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