I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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