i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
