don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
