bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
