i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
