He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
