The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize