there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
