Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
MIDGETS
????
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
