I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
