I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
