I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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