I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
