Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
how does that bad decision feel?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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