Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
