You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
