he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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