So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
