Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize