I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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