I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
