But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
