I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
