I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
