Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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