i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
