Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
