So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
