her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
