The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
