i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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