everyone is single if you try hard enough
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
