well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
