My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
