after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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