Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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