Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
