Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
