Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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