what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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