think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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