A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
