So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
