Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
