I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
