There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
