That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
